How "the comparison trap" is the sister of denial.

This is my prayer for you! Everyone has to hit there own “low” or “rock bottom” to get sober, & not all look the same.. AT ALL. The "Comparison Trap" is just a deadly in my opinion as denial, because you can always find someone who is worse off than you. The definition of denial is "the action of declaring something to be untrue." Let me be clear, coming to accept the fact that I had a drinking problem or that I am an "alcoholic" was one of the hardest things I've ever had to admit to myself. Every fiber of my being was fighting against it. The embarrassment, shame, anger, & pain that I had to face when I was truly honest with myself was to much to bare, that I couldn't for a time. As a women, accepting that I was spiritually bankrupt, emotionally disturbed, & physically sick with others I didn't want to associate with was one of the hardest things I had to face. But when I finally did, I was set free.

No one wakes up one day and says, "OH, I wanna be an ALCOHOLIC". Good Lord, looking back that was my worst freakin' nightmare. If you really have a drinking problem, your the first person that actually CARES if you have it, because the thought of NOT being ABLE to drink is unbearable. But if you don't, it doesn't phase you nearly as much. Drinking to you is no big deal, take it or leave it. Drink a bit at social events to "loosen up", or to "have a beer with the guys" etc. But for us, drinking doesn't only become just a way of life, but who you are. I believed for a long time it enhanced me into this person I could never be sober but in reality it was just the opposite. I was LOSING my shine. Dimming my light. Diluting my personality, when I truly thought I was gaining those things.

Alcoholism doesn't look the same for everyone AT ALL. It can either be SO progressive that you're drinking all day everyday that it becomes pretty undeniable, OR it could be the housewife who "has it all together" but's drinking a bit too much wine every night. This is why the comparison trap is the sister of denial, because comparing yourself to someone that looks like the classic case of an alcoholic may steer you even further into your denial. I hate the stigma of what an "alcoholic" is, because it is so far fetched. That is one of the biggest reasons I started this blog: to break the stigma and to tell YOU that you can very well be an alcoholic even if your not some old hag drinking out of a brown paper bottle, living under a bridge, so that you may get help quicker and radically change your life.

This is one of the many reasons you can't look at anyone else's story & notice all the differences, but instead the similarities because the details in everyone's story is a little different. Examples of similarities include, "Oh, he hid bottles all around his house to", or "OMG I use to take shots in the bathroom alone at parties as well!" Things that you never thought you would admit to people, and that you don't reckon "normal" people would do. These similarities are also a huge part of acceptance, healing, and can bring great comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Something I didn't understand before was this disease does not discriminate. It doesn't care if your rich or famous, doesn't care what family your from, what age or gender you are, NADA. It doesn't pick people depending on their qualities, or characteristics that make you who you are. It also may not pick "fairly" in your righteously justified opinion.

BOTTOM LINE: This disease causes insanity and some get to what appear to be lower depths (homelessness, begging etc) where as others may look as though they have it all together but are just severely depressed. The worse it gets, the more you want out- bottom line. I personally was a “high bottom” drunk they call it. Most people didn’t know how bad it was (except for the closest to me) but I was MISERABLE trapped in the chains of addiction with no hope and what I thought to be no way out. Luckily I was wrong. One of my friends who nearly lost everything (kids, mortgage, marriage, job) in his addiction told me once, YOU DONT HAVE TO LOSE IT ALL. You simply have to want it bad enough. If that’s you there is HOPE. May your low be high & never give up. Reach out, and there will be someone there to catch you.

All my love, xoxo

-Kat